Dib's Girlfriend
by Duck Life
Summary: Zim and Gaz, after being insulted by Dib for having no knowledge of relationships, plot to set Dib up with a girl. However, they tell Dib that she is a robot, which complicates things. ZADF, DAGF, DAOCR, non-central ZAGR. Please R&R!
1. Lame Big Head Jokes, and A Challenge

Gaz and Zim were fighting… again. Apparently, it was Zim's fault that Gaz's Game Slave 2 had run out of power before she'd reached the next checkpoint. "If you hadn't been running your stupid mouth!" she'd yelled at him. Gaz was ignoring him and walking home with Dib while Zim chased her, drenched in Poop Cola and yelling that he was sorry. Dib smirked.

"What?" growled Gaz.

"You two," replied Dib, smiling infuriatingly superiorly. Gaz turned on him, her eyes widening in one of those rare, rare moments when her anger reached its most terrifying peak. Dib, realizing this, backed up, suddenly worried.

"What do you mean 'you two'?" she asked threateningly.

"I-I just meant that, um…" stammered Dib. While they were stopped, Zim had caught up with them.

"I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I-" Zim stopped apologizing when he noticed that Gaz was directing her anger on her brother. "Hey, what's going on?"

"_Dib _thinks there's something funny about us," replied Gaz, not looking up from her brother. Zim glared at Dib and put his arm on Gaz's shoulder- surprisingly, she did not shake him off.

"And what does the stink-boy think is funny about me and my Gaz-human, hm?" he asked menacingly, his contacted-eyes narrowing and his mouth pursing into a zippered sneer.

"Yeah," threatened Gaz. "What's so funny, anyway?" Dib stared at the two incredulously.

"Wait, you're not fighting anymore?" he said, confused.

"Nope," grinned Gaz. "Now we have a common enemy."

"Hold up!" cried Dib. "Are you saying that hating me actually united you guys again?"

"Yes," answered Zim. "Your head is so colossal, it's enough for much hate from many people!"

"My head's not- never mind," mumbled Dib.

"You never told us what's so funny about us, either," Gaz reminded, wrapping her arm around Zim's tiny frame. Somehow, Dib mustered up the courage to answer her.

"I just think it's funny that you two seem to have no idea what to do in a relationship," he said, brave up until the point where he flinched after getting all the words out. However, Gaz wasn't angry- she was pensive.

"Are you implying that we're _stupid_?" hissed Zim. "Because it is not we, Dib-pig, that is the stupid one here."

"Yeah!" Gaz was mad again.

"Not _stupid_," clarified Dib. "Just a little… clueless."

"Ha!" Gaz laughed. "You think we're doing such a bad job? You wouldn't last one second dating Zim!" Zim and Dib both spun around and gaped at her. Gaz, seeming to realize what she'd said, averted her squinted eyes.

"I- um…" stammered Zim.

"Yeah… let's just pretend she didn't say that," suggested Dib.

"Okay," Zim agreed quickly. "Ah, I believe what you _meant _to say, Gaz, was…"

"That if Dib had a girlfriend, he wouldn't be able to live with her," said Gaz quickly, still embarrassed.

"Oh yeah?" replied Dib. "Well, I've never even had a girlfriend, so ha!" Zim and Gaz stared at him. Dib seemed to rethink what he'd said. "It didn't sound this sad when I heard it in my head."

"That's because your head's got an echo, it's so big," Gaz insulted.

"MY HEAD'S NOT… NEVER MIND!" he yelled. "Anyway, I meant that you can't know how I would cope with being in a relationship because I've never been in one. However, if I _was _I'd deal with everything _much _better than you two do."

"Ha! Poor, lonely, single Dib," jeered Zim.

"I just insulted you," Dib reminded him.

"Well, I couldn't hear it with the sound of your ENORMOUS HEAD!!!" replied Zim.

"Are you even listening to me?"

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" laughed the alien. "No."

"I was," said Gaz. "And I've got a plan."

"Hey!" said Zim. "_I _am the only one here capable of creating evil plans."

"Who said it was evil?" replied Gaz.

"It's not evil?"

"Oh, it's evil," smirked Gaz.

"Aha! You read my mind, Gazling!" declared Zim.

"I didn't tell you the plan yet."

"And I read your mind!" continued Zim. "We will construct a GIANT platypus, and he will _step _on your annoying brother! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

"That's a horrible plan," remarked Dib.

"Have you ever been stepped on by a platypus?" asked Zim.

"Well… no."

"Then you obviously have no idea how much it hurts."

"And you do?"

"Oh, of course. How do you think I got this short?"

"Hey!" yelled Gaz. "That wasn't my plan. My plan is to build a robot for Dib to date, and program it with all the relationship problems we can think of."

"BRILLIANT!" exclaimed Zim. "Let's go talk about it where the Dib can't _eavesdrop_…" Zim took Gaz's shoulder, and they began walking towards Zim's base.

"Hey!" called Dib, feeling rejected. "Uh… okay! Bye! Have fun building my girlfriend!"


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Okay, I have unanimously decided that, as I have 67 unfinished stories, I'm going to have to drop some. Some stories I simply begin and then lose interest in them. I apologize, but it doesn't seem fair to leave people waiting for over a year for the next chapter. Because of this, this story is now cancelled unless adopted by another author. If you are interested in adopting this story, please review and let me know!**

**Again, I'm sorry and I hope that you will continue to read my other stories. **


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